Dopamine in Sobriety

A list of things I've done in the last couple of weeks that gave me a dopamine rush that alcohol never did.

When I was drinking, I would use alcohol to fit in and pretend to be someone I wasn’t. I’ve been sober for over 2.5 years and I have realized that I actually hate a lot of the things I would fill my time with when I was drinking. Since I don’t actively fry my central nervous system with alcohol anymore, I am hyper-aware of when I’m not having a good time. And I can’t drink myself into faux-enjoyment anymore.

In sobriety, my baseline has changed.

When I was drinking, I would be blind drunk and unable to recognize my nervous system was not at peace. I would be anxious all night, hungover and frustrated the entire next day.

My capacity for enjoyment has sky-rocketed. The dopamine rushes I receive in sobriety are dialed to a 10. I am consistently overflowing with joy in a way that alcohol quite literally could never.

Here is a list of things that happened over the last couple weeks that made me happier than any drink ever could:

1. I built this CUTEST bookend and put it on my bookshelf.

   

2. Through my haze of sleep at 6am, I heard my son, clear as day — “Happy birthday Mom.”

3. Later that same day, I came home from work to see my living room full of balloons that my husband had blown up.

   

4. Got a compliment at work about how I seemed more “in control” and confident, and that was said about a meeting that several managers were a part of.

5. Also at work (pardon the corporate jargon but try to follow me on this one) was able to rework part of a presentation to highlight a client’s values and tie them to the action plan we are putting forth. (I know this sounds so generic and vague, but you just have to believe that this was a big deal, really quite impressive, and I was able to do it on the fly in front of a very senior member of my team, who said it was very impressive connection I was able to make.)

6. Removed the (massive) hedges along the side of my house, and painted my picnic table red. And I mean REALLY red.

   

7. Watched my son try to go down a big ramp on his scooter, fall and cry, then stand back up and try again (successfully).

8. Went to a MCR concert, scream-sang for the entire 2.5 hour show, and shed actual tears. (Bonus points for being able to do this completely sober and unbothered by the people around me that were not on my same level).

   

9. This is as safe a space as any, right? Discovered the fudge-dipped brownie-on-a-stick at White Castle (only $1.85!!!). I’m still processing this one a bit, so I have nothing more to say at this time.

10. Everything about this picture.