Why I Quit Drinking When I Was 26

Choosing to spend my "prime drinking years" getting sober (and no - it has nothing to do with rehab, AA or a DUI).

I am sitting down to write this post at 5pm on a Friday evening. I have absolutely zero plans for myself this evening that include anything other than writing and reading. I’m not going to wake up hungover. I haven’t woken up with a hangover in 2.5 years.

I stopped drinking when I was 26 years old. I wasn’t an alcoholic, and there was never a “rock-bottom moment” that caused me to realize alcohol was ruining my life. I was, for what it’s worth, a “normal” drinker. I was never inadvertently causing harm to myself or others. I never drove drunk. I didn’t drink in the middle of the day (as any “normal” drinker will attest, weekends didn’t count). My drinking was not actively threatening my health and safety (nor that of my children), financial security, employment or relationships.

Over time, what had always been recreational & social drinking slowly grew into a more habitual relationship with drinking. Before, I would decline a glass of wine during the week because “I have work tomorrow.” Eventually though, it became “only one or two; I have work tomorrow.” Towards the end of my drinking career, I remember multiple instances when I would drink 4-6 glasses of wine (alone), even though “I have work tomorrow.” As is always the case with the monster that alcohol is, it snuck up on me.

But I wasn’t doing this every night or even every week. I was never waking up somewhere I didn’t remember being the night before. I wasn’t drinking before work or showing up drunk. My husband and I weren’t arguing more often. My drinking wasn’t problematic or all-consuming. I was a normal drinker. No one said anything to me that suggested I may need to cutback because my drinking just didn’t warrant it (at least, from the perspective of fellow normal drinkers). At family functions or events, I was almost never the drunkest one there. I was fine; totally normal.

I know I was very lucky to be able to realize this was happening - but at the time, I was only frustrated when I began to think, maybe I don’t really see alcohol helping me achieve the life I envision for myself; I am going to cut back, but I still couldn’t stop.

I was so confused every time I woke up with a hangover after swearing I wasn’t going to have a drink the night before. I wasn’t an alcoholic, so it should have been easy for me to just not drink. Right?

For three years, I fought an almost-daily battle with moderation and couldn’t figure out why I was always losing. I would get so anxious every time I thought about drinking. And it wasn’t just the drinking that made me uneasy.

It was either “There’s a party tonight, and I really don’t want to drink but I probably will,” or “It’s Tuesday; I’m only going to have one glass tonight,” knowing damn well the bottle was as good as gone. I would know that I didn’t want to drink, but I also knew I was going to anyway. I hated myself every time I poured my first (and second) glass. It was usually around the 3rd or 4th glass that I was able to “get over” the anxiety I had around drinking in general, which was when I could finally enjoy the 5th or 6th glass.

Every hangover brought so much guilt and shame and confusion.

Why couldn’t I just have one drink?

I wasn’t waking up hungover and anxious every single day. There would be days at a time where I wouldn’t have a drink. I could go weeks without getting drunk. But every time I had one, I couldn’t stop.

In 2022, at the ripe old age of 26, I decided that my life would be better if I never said “yes” to the first drink.

I didn’t see myself as being forced to stop a train that was barreling towards a cliff. It didn’t feel like a life-saving mission. I wasn’t drinking myself into an early grave or scaring my friends and family. It was more like I chose to step off the train because I wasn’t really enjoying the ride anymore.

I’ve never been good at telling someone why I chose to stop drinking; it’s always been difficult for me to put into words in a way I feel accurately explains why I chose to stop. The closest thing I have been able to come up with is something along the lines of:

Alcohol wasn’t serving me anymore; it doesn’t fit into the life I want for myself.

I am happier without it.